Wednesday, April 14, 2010

ArGuMenTaTiVe EsSaY #1

Should the sale of junk food in school canteens be banned?

Unhealthy food and food with low nutritional value are categorized as junk food (Smith 2005, p.3). Based on statistics made by Australian Nutrition Journal (2004), most Australian children take foods rich in fat and sugar more than recommended intake which most of the foods are junk food. This has become an issue in Australia as it is being alleged as major factors of childhood obesity (Weekend News 2005, p.6). Consequently, there is suggestion that sales of junk foods in school canteens should be prohibited. I strongly agree with that as I firmly believe that the habit of eating junk food can leads to behavioural problem, health problem and litter problem.

First factor that leads me to support this argument is it caused attitude problems among the children. This has been further explained by Smith (2009), whereby he stated that most chemical additives within junk food could cause children to be hyperactive and involved in lack of focus problem. Besides that, according to Green (2005), as a teacher he can see that removing junk food from his school canteen results in improvement in student’s behaviour in class. They became much calmer after their lunch. Thus, selling of junk food in school canteen should be banned for the sake of the students’ benefits.

Second factor is eating junk food also contribute to health problem. Selling of junk foods in school canteen actually leads to the problem of childhood obesity which can results in future effects such as heart disease, osteoarthritis and some cancers (Weekend News 2005, p.6). Studies had been done and they conclude that most popular snack foods are under the categories of low nutritional value (Health Foundation 2005). If the selling is to be continued, students cannot get the nutrients required for healthy growth and development (Cray 2005). ‘..decline in the dental health of Australia’s primary-school children’ (Weekend News 2005, p.6) is also one of the concern regarding the negative effects of eating junk foods. In short, to ameliorate the students learning potential, the school canteen should be prohibited from selling unhealthy foods and drinks.

Lastly, the habit of eating junk foods is not beneficial to the students and also it affects the school in the sense of litter problem. This has been further justified by Smith (2005), whereby he stated that snack food packaging is found out to be the major contributor to litter problem in school. This will leads to rise in cleaning cost for the school plus eroding the good image of the communities. Removing the selling of junk foods in other ways can benefits the school as the worker will spend less time cleaning the grounds and more time for other productive purposes (Green 2005). Hence, it is cogent argument for the school to disallowed the selling of junk foods in school canteen.

All in all, selling of junk foods in school canteen should be banned for these three indisputable facts, it will caused behavioural problem and health problem to the children and brings litter problem to the school. As students spend most of their time in school instead of home, the school’s authority should play their role in educating the students towards a healthy lifestyle. Hence, I strongly believe that selling of junk food in school canteen should be prohibited.

2 comments:

Katy said...

My comments:
1. I’m not sure about this but isn’t “Unhealthy food and food with low nutritional value...” sounds the same. Moreover, there is a repetition of ‘food’; I think it’s better to put it like this, “Food that is said to be unhealthy and contains low nutritional value....”
2. “...there is suggestion that sales of junk foods...” I think there is ‘the’ before sales.
3. “....can leads to behavioural problem, health problem and litter problem.”
i. “...can lead...”
ii. I think it’s not good to repeat the word ‘problem’. Avoid using them by changing the sentence or word
4. “....leads me to support this argument is it caused attitude...” what is ‘it’? You meant junk food or what? Please use the word junk food first before continuing using ‘it’ for other sentences in the paragraph.
5. “This has been further explained.....” has been is a present perfect continuous tense, usually a verb –ing comes after it, I think the right way to write it is “this was further explained...”
6. “....canteen results in improvement in student’s behaviour in class.” I don’t know if you had noticed that you keep on using repeating word, for me it’s not good, but I’m not saying if it is wrong. Try this : “...canteen results an improvement in the student’s behaviour”.
7. “They became much calmer after their lunch...” I don’t know the right word to use but I think it’s better to put it this way, “.....after they had their lunch...”
8. “Second factor is eating junk food also contribute to health problem.” I don’t really agree with this sentence, there’s something wrong with it and I’m not really sure but I think you should put it like this “Second factor is that eating junk food also contribute....”
9. “Studies had been done and they conclude that most popular snack foods are under the categories of low”
I. I think it supposed to be “Studies had been carried out...” but when I thought back isn’t that (had been + verb –ing)
II. “....that the most popular...”
10. “....packaging is found out to be the...” I think it’s better to use ”...is found to be...”
11. ‘This will leads to rise...” it is ‘lead’
12. “....school to disallowed the selling....” supposed ‘disallow

I’m sorry if I sounded too harsh on my words, I just said what I want to said but honestly I’m not good at all in English especially on the grammars.
Try to mail Ms. Dilani for further understanding.

NuR_AqiLaH said...

it's ok katy. we share what we know. thanks for the comment. (^^)
i'll try to improve on my essay.